he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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