I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
