Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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