Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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