If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
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also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
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We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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