I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Drake has all the answers
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
