This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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