i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
