New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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