I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
