You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
