Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
3pm strippers are depressing
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
