woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
