mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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