Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
