my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
