By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
