ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
