OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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