He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
