he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
