I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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