omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
