My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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