I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
