someone threw a dead crab at me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
