I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
