hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
