i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
