There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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