I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
