did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My feet surprised me
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
