I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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