hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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