We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
