Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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