yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
her vagine was all disorganized.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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