I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
