Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
