I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
