Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
