Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
