Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
