Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
