I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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