The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
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I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
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I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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