Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
