i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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