Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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