we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
