He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I could make wine with my vomit
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
