I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
