You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
