yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
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Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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