Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
