I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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