I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
