Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
