Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
