so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
