That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
