I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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