so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
