Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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