All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
