Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
