Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
