so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
