where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If I die, sorry about rent.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
