somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
