Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
