I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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