I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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