A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
