i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
