I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
