Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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