my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
