i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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