Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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