oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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