Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
