I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i drank out of a bidet.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
