I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
